My Moon Goddess Meditations course is returning in a new form for the new moon starting on April 1st! You’ll get an email for every day of the moon cycle where you’ll meet a different goddess and explore her lessons in your own life. You’ll also learn a little bit about Shakta Tantra as we go. Registration closes March 31st! Learn more below:

Trust Myself…to What?

I knew a guy who loved the phrase “trust yourself” so much he tattooed it on his wrist. Every time he had to make a decision, he just looked at his wrist and knew what to do. He just knew! 

And, you know, good for that guy. Many times in my life I’ve wished I were more like that: able to feel my intuitions, know what I want to do, and be confident enough in myself to simply go for it. It’s like a magic trick: I do not understand this sleight of hand. 

For a lot of us, especially when we have experienced trauma, been through difficult times, or, like, ever made a mistake, trusting ourselves can feel more complicated. I mean, trust myself to what, exactly? 

I used to think trusting myself meant being able to feel into my gut or intuitions and just “know” something. Like whether or not a certain person was good to date. Whether I should follow a particular career path. Should I buy a yoga studio? What I should have for lunch?? 

The truth is, I’ve never known. I’ve followed my desires from place to place, and sometimes that’s been great and sometimes it’s been horrible. Often it’s been both—big decisions in my life usually come with joy and regret (buying the yoga studio was definitely both). When you’re only able to go down one path, you can’t compare it to the one you didn’t choose (except, of course, in your head, which is the most dangerous way to go down the road not taken). 

Maybe my tattooed friend’s secret is that, whatever the outcome, he decides it’s the right one. This is a thing humans do, actually—we are super good at adapting to our situation, even when it’s not ideal. We live in so much fear of regret, but it’s not as if, when something doesn’t go our way, we wallow in regret 24/7. We usually find something to like about our new situation, though we might have moments where we want it to change. The irony, of course, is that we often feel similarly ambivalent even when things do go according to plan. Life is never only good or bad. It’s usually some mix of both. 

I was so sad about leaving Vancouver for Edmonton this summer. I did not want to go. I didn’t want to leave my parents, my community, the spring that starts in February (it’s -23 as I write this, you guys). I thought I would hate it and be really depressed. But I’m not. I like the snow, the space, and the quiet. The brightness of the cold sunshine. The community we are building here. I do miss a lot of things about Vancouver, but not as much as I thought (especially not the damp winter darkness or driving downtown at rush hour). 

In cognitive behavioral therapy, you learn about something called cognitive distortions. These are basically malfunctions in our thinking. Here are a few I’ve been guilty of: 

Fortune telling: thinking I can tell the future (I can’t). 

Mind reading: thinking I know what other people are thinking (I don’t). 

Black and white thinking: believing there’s a right and a wrong choice (there isn’t). 

Trusting myself, now, isn’t like looking at a tattoo on my wrist and just knowing. I often don’t know. So what, exactly, am I trusting? 

I trust that I will take the time to notice how I am feeling in my body. I trust that I will stay open to gathering more information that might affect that internal feeling. I trust myself to ask for help if I need it. I trust that if I make a mistake or the outcome is not what I want, I can change something. I trust that, whatever happens, I have the capacity to learn, heal, and grow. 

That’s about it, really. That’s the magic of self-trust. It doesn’t mean I always know how I feel or what I want. It certainly doesn’t mean I never make a mistake. But it does mean having my own back and knowing that whatever happens next, I can handle it. What does self-trust mean to you?

Enjoying this newsletter? Consider becoming a member. You’ll support my work and get all kinds of perks. See memberships here: